Rev. Kevin M. Pleas

First John 4:7-12 August 9, 2009

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God's love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us.

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In 1969 a song was released by a Canadian Rock group Mashmakhan. The song was called "As Years Go By." It was quite popular for a while and earned the band a brief, international recognition. I mention it because, over the years, every time I set out to write a sermon about love, this song comes to mind. Some of you will remember it, but for those who don't, let me share the words with you.

A child asks his mother "Do you love me?"

And it really means will you protect me.

His mother answers him "I love you."

And it really means you've been a good boy.

And as the years go by, true love will never die.

At seventeen a girl says "Do you love me?"

And it really means will you respect me.

The teenage boy answers "I love you."

And it really means can I make love to you.

And as the years go by, true love will never die.

I will love you forever

At sixty five his wife says "Do you love me?"

And it means I'd like to hear it again.

Her husband says to her "I love you."

But it really means I love you till the end.

And as the years go by, true love will never die.

Now you're asking me if I love you.

And it really means will I marry you.

And I answer "Yes, I love you."

But it really means that I won't be untrue.

And as the years go by, true love will never die.

I will love you forever.

It's an interesting song isn't it? I was thirteen when it came out. I can't say it was ever one of my favorites, but the words have stuck with me. As pop love songs go, I always thought it had something of a unique insight. If you move through the verses, the shades of love change from protection and approval, to respect, desire, reassurance, commitment, hope and loyalty. At some level, most of us might agree that "True love will never die," even though it's certainly a well worn platitude. But just try to nail down what we mean when we say it, and we find ourselves going off in a multitude of different directions.

Love covers so much territory; everything from Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach," to Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield." Love is the substance of our highest hopes and dreams, the subject of our greatest literary triumphs, but also a manipulation used to sell cars, toothpaste and casual sex. It's kind of stunning when you think about it. How can one word, one idea, stretch itself across so much of our human experience?

The answer, I think, is that it strikes to the very heart of our essential humanity. No matter how unique and individual each one of us may be, when we get right down to the core of what makes us human, what we find is a longing, an emptiness, a desire for fulfillment that, to one degree or another, we all share and, to one degree or another, we all spend much of our lives chasing after. The reason love covers so much territory is that it is the word we use for anything and everything that fills, or promises to fill, or fails to fill the hole in our hearts. And, because that hole is ultimately infinite, no finite experience of love will ever be completely satisfying.

In Mashmakhan's song, it's not that any of the people asking for or giving love are wrong. It's simply that love has so many different faces; so many different expressions. Ultimately, if we really want to get to that "true love" that "never dies," our only choice is to do what John did in his letter, come to an understanding that love is another name for God. Those who love are born of God and know God, because God is love. What that means is that any time and every time we experience love in our lives, in whatever form, we are experiencing, to some degree, the presence of the living God.

My friends, this is how I have come to understand my daughter's relationship with her partner, Sean. The two of them have been together for six years. They have grown to love one another deeply, and two weeks ago, I had the honor of performing a union ceremony for them out on Martha's Vineyard. As we speak, they are over in London, on their honeymoon, and having the time of their lives.

I have to say it's been a real challenge for me getting to this point. Something I realized a few years ago is that, when we become parents, whether we know it or not, we immediately begin to harbor notions about what our children's future is going to be like; college, career, marriage, family. I don't remember ever thinking about it much. I just assumed these things were the general direction we were headed in. But then, one after another, all these assumptions began to crash into reality. Honestly, a gay relationship isn't something I would ever have wished for my daughter. It's not that I think there is anything wrong with being gay. I don't. But in the face of widespread social disapproval, it isn't an easy life for anyone. It's not something you would wish for your children to go through if they didn't have to.

But we have come to love Sean. Sarah and Sean are good for each other and I hope they have a long and happy life together. I hope they are as wildly happy in marriage as Pam and I have been. God knows it's hard enough to find someone in this life to share your heart with, and the fact that the two of them have found each other is something I can only celebrate.

It was about two years ago that they first started talking about marriage. Again, I had a hard time with the idea, as much as anything because I found it hard to separate my role as a father from my role as your minister. I feel a need to take into account what you think and how you will react. Maybe it shouldn't matter how you feel about what I do with my family in my personal life, but in fact it does. I struggled with this for more than a year, and finally, last September, I made the decision to approach the church Cabinet about whether we could have the service here in our sanctuary. We wrestled with the decision for awhile without coming to a decision. In the meantime, Sarah decided she was more comfortable keeping it to a small family affair, and she didn't want to throw us all into crisis over what is still a controversial issue.

Anyway, it all came together beautifully. Sarah was a gorgeous bride. Sean looks good in a tux. We all crowded into a small family chapel and had a service that choked us all right up. This morning I'd like to share just a few of the words from the opening of that service with you.

Being here today, both as a minister and a father, I welcome the opportunity to give voice to my conviction that every relationship of love between two people is holy, sacred, worthy of celebration and public affirmation. I am delighted today to perform this ceremony of holy union for two people I love, who love and honor one another.

What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspeakable memories?

Love is not some accident we fall into. But if we grow in love, then there is the possibility that our tomorrows will be even more joyous, more tender and caressing, more devoted to life flowing through us; tomorrows more full of the thrill of life even as each today is better than yesterday. Love has the capacity for that magic. Perhaps only love has such capacity. This love does not start with a public ceremony; this ceremony is only a public testimony, a community YES to what already exists.

So, there it is. All love is precious. All love participates in the total experience of love that draws us into the heart of God. Every experience of love becomes part of our total experience of love. And part of what we're being invited to do, by our faith, is to enlarge our hearts into an ever greater understanding of the nature of love, which is, ultimately, the nature of God.

I don't mean for this to be political. I know that just raising the subject is necessarily political these days and I'm sorry for that because it doesn't seem like it should be. It seems that when two people fall in love, it's something we should celebrate and not squabble over. But believe me, it's taken me a long time to get to that place. It's taken me having a daughter who has shown me a dimension of love that I had not previously experienced. And so, my experience of love has expanded, and I share it with you this morning, not in the hope of swaying any particular vote, but more in the hope, as your pastor, of expanding your understanding of love as well.

I close with the words by Kahlil Gibran:

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say,

"God is in my heart," but rather,

"I am in the heart of God."

Amen.